ReadingRoom

Third prize within the 2022 Sargeson Prize, described by choose Fiona Kidman as “humorous and interesting”

Brendon Varney opens the entrance door. The pale mat presents him an upside-down welcome as he steps onto the patio together with his chin excessive. The fingers of his proper hand twist at his marriage ceremony ring.

After three paces, his dedication wavers. The sky is blue and cloudless, and on the fringe of the veranda he stops, squinting within the unfamiliar gentle. The scent from the climbing roses on the trellis—one crimson and one white—makes him giddy. He stares at his sneakers, takes sluggish breaths towards the pounding of his coronary heart.

Then he makes his approach down the steps and tiptoes alongside the trail. The grass on both aspect is as distant as the ocean churning on the base of a cliff. On the midpoint, the concrete bends and sways like a circus slackwire, so he reaches out his arms for steadiness. With fast, shuffling steps, he hurries for the security of the gate. A remaining lurch and he grabs on the put up with each arms.

Exterior, the tarseal stretches huge and horrible in direction of the row of flats throughout the highway. He focuses on the dust-streaked window of the Subaru within the carport. Then he shifts his eyes to the stone letterbox, his purpose for this expedition.

From the safety of his sofa, it had appeared far much less daunting. Simply come out and fetch the mail, he instructed himself. His cheque from the Lotteries Fee needs to be arriving quickly. His invitation to be visitor of honour at a civic reception for one thing or different, which he would gracefully decline. A postcard from Queenstown—flame-coloured willows on the banks of Lake Wakatipu, the Remarkables towering within the background—the place Suzie went to go to her cousin. “Having an exquisite time, want I used to be there.”

I sink to my knees on the carpet, fists clenched beside my head. Somebody whimpers.

*

“That’s a good whole,” mentioned Tony. “How a few pizza for the innings break?”

I muted the TV and squirmed within the beanbag. “You imply get one delivered?”

He rolled his eyes, peering down at me from the couch. “No, I assumed we’d wander spherical to Spag’s for a margherita. After all I meant supply, you prat.”

I let my head loll again. “Properly, that’s all proper, then. However gained’t Jen be pissed when you don’t get dwelling for dinner?”

Tony sighed and brushed his hand over his hair. “She’ll be pissed at me both approach. I’d fairly be right here.” He dug out his telephone and positioned the order.

“Hey,” I mentioned after he ended the decision. “How come you at all times flip up right here when there’s a recreation on?”

“Coincidence, mate, pure coincidence. I simply take pleasure in your scintillating firm.” He paused. “Plus she hates cricket.”

“Ha. I assume I needs to be flattered that I’m your first selection.”

“Are you kidding? You’re the fifth particular person I attempted this afternoon, however each different bugger was out.” I flicked a bottle-cap at him, however missed. “At the very least I do know you’ll be dwelling.”

“Hell, no, hectic social calendar, me. You had been fortunate to catch me in.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mentioned. “When was the final time you went wherever? Perhaps I’m fortunate, although—each time I see you, my very own crappy life doesn’t appear fairly so unhealthy.”

“Shut up. My life’s fantastic.”

I knew this to be false. I tilted my empty glass at him, raised my eyebrows. He jerked his chin in settlement, so I struggled to my ft and headed for the kitchen.

“Look on the brilliant aspect,” he known as. “When the following spherical of Covid hits, you’ve already obtained a head begin on lockdown. Whereas we had been in Stage 4, did you even discover?”

“Covis? What’s that?” I opened the fridge. “What’s your fancy? IPA or brown ale?”

“No matter,” he yelled again. “Hey, Bren. Does that automobile of yours have a tow bar?”

Brendon Varney freezes like a dwelling statue, the guidelines of his outstretched fingers resting on damp glass. “Positive.” His voice comes from the opposite finish of an extended tube. “Don’t know if it’s nonetheless operating, although. I haven’t used it since—nicely, for some time. You might need to vary the spark plugs, or recalibrate the thrusters, or no matter it’s you do.” From far, distant, I hear Brendon Varney making a joke.

The fridge door beeps, and the dwelling statue strikes once more. Its chilled fingers grip the necks of two bottles. It picks up the opener from the bench and flips off the tops. I carried the beers—Epic Hop Zombie—by to the lounge and handed him one. He poured it slowly, watching the froth froth as much as the rim of the glass.

“You possibly can borrow it any time,” I mentioned. I counted the bottles lined up on the ground beside the bookcase. “Properly, possibly not tonight.”

He chuckled. “Nah, I’ll get an Uber tonight. However thanks.”

“So, why do you want it?”

“Oh, I simply must take some stuff to the dump,” he mentioned, rubbing his cheek together with his free hand.

I gave him the side-eye. He pretended to be engrossed within the silent specialists analysing the Kiwi bowling assault on the display.

“So what do you actually need it for?”

He began to argue, however then deflated. “Ah, fuck it. Yeah, I’ve discovered a spot out in Halswell. Little bit of a shithole, however there it’s. I’m shifting in on the finish of the month.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah.”

“Good factor we’ve obtained loads of beer, then.”

*

I’m drawing. With a graphite pencil, I’m sketching the define with gentle strokes. On the left, an infinite conifer encroaching onto the footpath. This was my landmark, the place I’d decelerate and switch my blinker on as I drove dwelling from work. Suzie dubbed it the bathroom brush tree. The reminiscence makes me smile. Then I bear in mind some extra, and I cease.

To the precise is the crimson brick church—St. One thing’s—that was used as a polling station for the final election. It have to be early morning, as a result of there aren’t any vehicles. Normally this stretch of the highway is filled with mums dropping off or choosing up their kids on the Catholic major college subsequent to the church. Or maybe at present is a vacation. Generally I lose monitor of the times. I take into consideration including a automobile, a gray Subaru, however resolve towards it.

In my image it’s chilly, that quiet stillness that presages snow. If there was an individual on this drawing—Brendon Varney, for instance—he can be bundled up in his black padded jacket, arms deep in his pockets. However there aren’t any individuals. It’s, in spite of everything, a vacation.

And naturally, Brendon Varney isn’t on this drawing. He’s in his home, hunched over the dining-room desk. Heartbreak music, his personal playlist, flows from the audio system. Maybe he will likely be drawing.

Within the centre of the web page, I’m drawing six letterboxes like little white hutches. They’re totally different from my letterbox. Certainly one of them has misplaced its quantity. They serve the flats that line both aspect of an extended driveway. The left flat on the again, that isn’t in my image as a result of I can’t see it from the road, that’s Marta’s.

*

I opened the door.

“Take this,” mentioned Marta, shoving a big Tupperware container into my arms.

I appeared on the dishes stacked on the veranda. Extra Tupperware, a casserole and two, no, three bottles of bubbly. 

“Um,” I mentioned.

“Is Christmas, ja?” She made shooing motions at me. “Now go, go. Earlier than will get chilly.” She picked up the casserole and herded me by to the kitchen.

“That is very form of you, Marta,” I mentioned, “however you don’t—”

“What, you busy, massive plans? You go on date, restaurant with fairly woman? Pfff.” She set the casserole on the stove-top. “Open wine, ja? Getting részeg at Christmas, outdated Hungarian custom.”

She made one other journey to herald the remainder of the meals. Then she named every dish as she positioned it on the bench. “Is fisherman’s soup, stuffed cabbage, hen, cucumber salad, bejgli. Get desk prepared, OK?”

*

I took the china plates from the cabinet, those we stored for particular events. Rinsed two champagne flutes, dusty from lack of use, and poured our drinks.

“Egészségedre.” Marta appeared me within the eye and downed her wine in a single swallow. Then she waited till I did the identical. 

“This smells scrumptious,” I mentioned “However why?”

“Hnnn,” she shushed me. “You bear in mind my first Christmas right here? One week after I transfer in, two weeks after divorce from pungent bastard, every single day crying, crying. Ja? Suzie, she knocks on my door, brings me right here. Feeds me beautiful meal, a lot of wine, we begin laughing once more. You bear in mind? Even a gift she provides me. Suzie, good lady, angyal.”

Brendon Varney rearranges the knives and forks, staring on the desk. Unfolds a serviette and folds it once more. Marta adjustments the topic, tells him about her sister in Budapest.

“Gabi is physician, the way you say it, orthopaedic surgeon.” She giggles. “I obtained the wonder, she obtained the brains, ja? Final yr her husband walked out on her, two children in class. Her boy, 15, is homosexual. Beneath Orban”—she makes a spitting face—“isn’t any life in Hungary. So I carry them right here. I will likely be sponsor.”

I clear my throat. “That’s nice. Will they stay with you?”

“Ja. Now I’m every single day going to the Immigration, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. All in English, is killing me.”

“I will help you with that, when you like,” I hear myself say.

Her face brightened. “Ja? Thanks. I carry papers tomorrow.” She topped up our glasses. “At this time, we eat, drink, fake we’re not lonely. OK?”

The define of this image is already completed. Now I’m utilizing my 2B pencil to attract at midnight shadows, the trunks of the bushes and the low wood fence. I’m buzzing, buzzing alongside to Rival Sons. They’re singing a haunting music about loneliness and loss. I take part on the refrain as I change to my H pencil to fill within the mid-tones.

It’s hotter at present. Maybe it’s early spring. I feel it’s spring as a result of there are buds on one of many bushes within the park. I have no idea what sort of tree it’s, however I’m drawing the buds. It makes me comfortable that spring is coming.

Generally we might stroll there, on this park. You want to observe the youngsters climbing on the jungle health club. As soon as we had a picnic on the grass in the course of the rugby discipline, however the wind was so sturdy that it blew our sandwiches away. How we laughed.

Now, within the foreground, proper on the fringe of the body, I’m drawing Brendon Varney. I’m drawing him from behind, as a result of I’m not good at faces. I’m utilizing the faintest of traces, since he’s not certain if he needs to be there. Solely the again of his head is seen, and one shoulder. Maybe he’s going to the mall. Maybe he’ll buy groceries within the grocery store, pushing a trolley down the intimidating aisles. Maybe he’s assembly a buddy in a Robert Harris café.

No.

I take my eraser and I rub out Brendon Varney. He’s nonetheless hiding in his home. I preserve rubbing on the nook of the web page till there may be solely a void the place Brendon Varney was once.

*

“We now have bourbon.” Tony held up a jute bag in his left hand. “And we’ve gin.” A striped bag in his proper. “What’s your poison?”

I leaned towards the door body, cradling my espresso cup in entrance of my chest. At this time I used to be consuming from Suzie’s mug. It was purple-blue, like a mallard’s wing, and valuable past rubies.

“Sorry, mate,” I mentioned. “I’m not likely within the temper at present.”

“Sure, you might be,” he replied as he ducked previous me. “You simply don’t understand it but.”

From the kitchen I heard a metallic high being unscrewed, the hiss of fizzy drink. He returned with two tumblers and set the bottles on the carpet.

“It’s a house-warming. My warming, your home. If the mountain gained’t come to Mohammed, Tony will come to the mountain, bearing booze and snacks and witty dialog. Oh, and I introduced your automobile again. The keys are on the bench. Thanks rather a lot. Properly, gumby.”

He clinked his glass towards mine and gulped an enormous mouthful, gave a contented burp. I took a tiny sip. Then he scuffed off his sneakers and sprawled on the couch.

“And until I’m very a lot mistaken,” he mentioned, “the one-dayer needs to be beginning any second now.”

I took one other sip, barely bigger. Then I jabbed the distant on the TV and lowered myself into the beanbag. An overcast McLean Park, a chyron saying the match had been delayed by a moist outfield, play anticipated to start in 20 minutes.

“So,” he mentioned. “You haven’t requested me how the transfer went.”

I grunted. “How did the transfer go?”

“Nice. Dave gave me a hand, and it solely took a few hours. One benefit of getting bugger-all stuff, I assume.”

“And the way was it? Your first evening within the new place?”

“Bloody sensible. I obtained fish and chips, watched The Strolling Useless and was in mattress by 10.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I assumed I’d be depressing, you realize, however I obtained the most effective evening’s kip I’ve had in ages. Do you’ve any concept how stress-free it isn’t being bombarded with hate vibes from the opposite aspect of the mattress?”

“Can’t say I do.” I raised my glass to my mouth, found it was empty.

Tony drained his personal glass and refilled them each. Then he sat down once more, gazing out the window in direction of the roses.

“At this time’s her birthday, proper?”

Brendon Varney provides a decent nod, makes a strangled noise that might be interpreted as assent.

“I assumed so,” mentioned Tony.

Brendon Varney stares on the TV. His imaginative and prescient contracts to an extended, darkish tunnel. On the finish of this tunnel, certain with iron chains, lies his coronary heart. It’s pulsing, however barely.

*

In Robert Harris, within the chair at proper angles to his, there may be Suzie. She is resting her chin on one hand. Most likely they’re speaking—in actual fact, he’s practically sure of it. The scent of her jasmine fragrance tickles his nostrils. He doesn’t inform her about his allergic reactions. He is aware of that he’s grinning, and he suspects that he appears to be like silly.

He’s waving his hand to make some level. As he does so, his arm knocks towards his cup. Lukewarm latte sloshes throughout the wood floor, soaking his trousers. He pats frantically at his crotch. Suzie’s lips are clamped shut, however her eyes sparkle with amusement.

I’m sitting on the dining-room desk, and I’m drunk. Tony has gone dwelling in an Uber. The muscle mass of my cheeks ache, and I feel I can scent jasmine. I’m clutching a postcard. “Having an exquisite time, want I used to be there.” My hand waves to make some level. Lukewarm latte sloshes throughout my trousers.

Once more and time and again and time and again.

A hollowness kinds deep in my throat. I really feel it spreading by my physique. It consumes my tongue, my vocal cords, so I can’t cry out. It’s consuming my inner organs, beginning with my coronary heart. It eats me from the within, till I not exist. All that continues to be is a limp go well with of flesh that was as soon as Brendon Varney, sitting on the dining-room desk.

*

I open the door. Marta appears to be like at my expression and her face goes slack. I give her a half smile, step again to let her in. She turns down my provide of espresso and we sit aspect by aspect on the dining-room desk. I fan the kinds out in entrance of us, click on on the Immigration New Zealand web site on my laptop.

“Is unimaginable, ja?” she says, squeezing her arms in her lap.

“Nothing’s unimaginable,” I say. “Nevertheless it’s not straightforward both. Look, these are the factors for being a sponsor. Citizen or resident, sure. Sufficient cash to cowl dwelling prices, like meals and healthcare, you are able to do that. Can present lodging immediately or not directly—you say that your sister will stick with you, in order that’s fantastic. Sufficient cash to pay for a return ticket to Hungary.”

She swats my rationalization away. “Sure, sure, I do know all that. What’s the drawback?”

I scroll up and drag the cursor to point out three traces.

“It’s this one. ‘Should have spent 184 days in New Zealand for every of the final three years.’ In your passport it says that you just had been overseas from February to August final yr. Proper?”

“Sure. My mom, she was dying with the most cancers, so I went dwelling to be together with her. So?”

I look away, scratching my nostril. I didn’t learn about her mom. “Properly, I did the mathematics. Final yr, you had been solely in New Zealand for 173 days. You’re 11 days brief.”

“So these 11 days, I can’t carry Gabi out?”

“Hmmm.” I faucet my pen towards the desk. “You possibly can apply anyway, and possibly they’ll let it slide. But when they go by the ebook, you then gained’t have the ability to do it for one more three years, till you meet this remaining situation.”

She launches right into a rumble of Hungarian. I have no idea if she is swearing or praying, so I simply await her to cease.

“I would love that drink now, please,” she says. “However not espresso. You have got vodka? Numerous vodka?”

*

I’ve by no means been to this division, so I cheat and use Google Road View. It’s on Hereford Road, inside an arcade. I should have walked previous it many occasions earlier than. I’ve drawn a bookshop, a Burger Gas and a Robert Harris, although not my regular department. I’m utilizing my finger to mix within the charcoal on my drawing. I’ve wrapped a tissue round my finger. At this time there is no such thing as a music.

Hereford Road is beneath restore. Visitors has been lowered to a single lane, lined with wire-mesh fences. A yellow steamroller is parked to 1 aspect, and several other staff in hi-vis vests are clustered spherical a gap within the floor. Hereford Road, like me, is a piece in progress.

Now I’m taking my eraser stick and marking within the highlights. The curlicues on the bookshop signal, the solar glinting off a automobile windscreen, the stripes on the tops of the orange visitors cones. That is my favorite half, as a result of that is when the image comes alive.

Within the white area I draw Brendon Varney. He’s striding alongside the footpath, nearly to show into the arcade. He’s carrying a go well with. Maybe in actuality his shoulders aren’t fairly that broad, however he’s strolling with confidence and goal.

I take a look at my laptop computer to test that I’ve obtained it proper. My eyes flick from display to drawing and again once more till I’m glad. Then I shut my laptop computer and push it out of the way in which. As I accomplish that, my sleeve brushes the paper. I’ve smudged Brendon Varney. Brendon Varney is a smudge.

I take up my pencil and eraser, and set to work to repair the harm.

*

I’m placing on my go well with, the one I preserve for job interviews and weddings. I’m not serious about the final time I wore it. I’ve ironed a white shirt, and my fingers bear in mind the best way to tie the knot in my tie. Brendon Varney has polished my sneakers till they shine.

I study my reflection within the bed room mirror. I look skilled, respectable, reliable. I don’t seem like a hermit, or a hermit crab. We don’t seem like somebody who has not left the home in over a yr.

Suzie would approve. “Who’s that good-looking stranger?” she’d say. “I might need to go away you for him.”

Brendon Varney’s appointment is for 9 o’clock. The girl on the opposite finish of the telephone sounded stunned, however didn’t reject the concept out of hand. Maybe, if issues go nicely, I’ll pop into Robert Harris afterwards for a flat white and a bit of caramel slice.

For the fourth time this morning, I test my briefcase. Passport and driver’s licence, financial institution statements to show that I’m solvent, final month’s charges invoice. Copies of all of the paperwork that Marta gave me. I’ve not instructed Marta of my plans. I don’t need to get her—his, my, our—hopes up.

I take a look at my watch once more. It’s time. I examine my drawings unfold out on the dining-room desk. I pay specific consideration to the drawing of Hereford Road. Brendon Varney strikes with confidence and goal. I decide up my briefcase and my keys. I open the entrance door.

I’m opening the door.

Brendon Varney opens the door.

“Barney Varney Opens the Door” by Stephen Coates was positioned third place within the 2022 Sargeson Prize, New Zealand’s richest brief story award. From the judging remarks by Dame Fiona Kidman: “I discovered ‘Brendon Varney opens the door’ humorous and interesting. The spouse of the male narrator has gone away and there’s a sturdy sense that she could not return. He contemplates his life, and loses himself in an alternate id, the place he turns into the profitable, fascinating Brendon Varney. His mate comes round to crack a couple of beers and morose jokes, the neighbour arrives with an issue for him to resolve. The dialogue is sustained, the characters ring true.”